I have just returned from my 15th trip into Daughter 1’s room this evening. We put her to bed about 45 minutes ago. The first time she called me back to bring her a glass of water. She’d already had a large glass of water right before she went to bed. I know this for a fact because it was MY large glass of water. I told her no. Goodnight. Sweet dreams. And as I walked out the door she called out her mantra, “You NEVER let me have a drink of water!”
Over the course of this evening, I NEVER let her pick out all of her outfits for the next two weeks. I NEVER let her call her Nana just to tell her one little thing. I NEVER let her rewash her hair and dry it with gel in it. I NEVER let her bring the dog in to sleep on the foot of her bed. I NEVER let her have a kitty. I NEVER take her on an all-inclusive vacation in Puerto Vallarta. I NEVER let her call her BFF to see if she’ll bring her green bow tomorrow to school and the BFF will “bring her blue bow and they can do their hair together and be twins, but not really because one will be green and one will be blue”. I NEVER let us paint our toenails the exact same color before bed time. I NEVER let her have a campout around the firepit roasting marshmallows on a school night and singing “Camptown Races”. Oh. And here’s one for ya: I NEVER taught her the words to Camptown Races! I NEVER. NEVER. NEVER.
It wears me out.
I know. I know. I can hear all you good mommas saying, “Don’t keep going in there! Say goodnight and ignore her.” Oh. I forgot. It’s just that easy.
And honestly, when she was a baby and would fuss and cry out, it was much easier for me to ignore her. Basically because she was confined to her crib and had no way to marching herself into my office and scaring the bejeezes out of me while I am trying to type!
At any rate, now that she’s older and has access to markers and papers and a street-facing window, I feel the need to check on her in case she really does need me. Or in case she’s placed a “My mom NEVER lets me out of my room” sign in her window again. (The policeman understood. He had an 8-year old daughter of his own. And we only let her play with yellow markers anymore.)
I’m sure that if I did ignore her, she’d learn to go to sleep that much faster, but it won’t stop the constant use of the word NEVER.
Just last week I was listening to my Jillian Michaels CD while driving home from work. It was late, and I was tired, and I needed The Daughters to just be quiet so I could learn about balancing my time and prioritizing my health with Jillian, so I drove us through McGaggles. (I got The Daughters a “healthy option”: apple dippers – with caramel dipping sauce… geez!)
Then, we drove past Burger Scream. And Daughter 1 – with her mouth full of McNuglets said, “Why don’t you ever take us there?” I thought I had caught a break – she didn’t use NEVER!
“I just got you a super-deluxe ecstatic meal, Girlie!” I reminded her, while still trying to listen to Jillian tell me how 3 hours of cardio would do wonders in clearing my mind. (Or was it 3 hours of waiting for hot fries would make me lose my mind?)
Then Daughter 1 dropped it: “Yeah, but you NEVER take us THERE!” Oh. Sure. NEVER.
I’m an educator. I have advanced degrees. I have studied child and adolescent development and learning styles and cognitive abilities and processes. I know brain-based research inside and out. However, I have YET to come across anyone who can fully explain this NEVER-complex that has invaded my child!
Wait. I said that wrong: I have NEVER found anyone who can explain this to me!
I’ve paid very close attention to Daughter 1’s NEVER statements and I am the only one in the house who receives these sentiments. I mentioned to The Dad that I found it not only odd but frustrating that he NEVER gets told that he NEVER does whatever for Daughter 1.
And he, of course, had a ready explanation. His actions are always pleasing to Daughter 1 and my actions are always lacking. I reminded him of a few actions that would be lacking for him if he was NEVER supportive of my cause again.
Finally, Daughter 1 is asleep. When I look at her sweet, peaceful face, I’m tempted to forget the NEVER-fight that we seem to be engaged in constantly. And I wonder how I can ignore her constant requests and I vow to myself that tomorrow is a new day. I will wake up and see to it that Daughter 1 has every single one of her needs met. And then some.
Then I grab a dark blue marker out of hiding and scribble this sign for her window: My mom NEVER does anything wrong!
It’s a preemptive strike…
You can contact Minivan Momma at minivan.momma.2@gmail.com
© 2010 “Minivan Momma”
