The following is an actual transcript of a conversation that happened at our house on Christmas morning:
Daughter 1: {in an excited but hushed tone} Momma! Momma!
Me: {in a mumbled, half asleep grumbly, mumbly mumble} Wha--??
Daughter 1: Momma!
Me: Say --- Wha --- ? Who ---??!!?
Daughter 1: It’s me, Momma! Daughter 1, Momma! Are you awake?
Me: O. M. G! {really, I said “O. M. G.” I’ve not had much adult time recently.)
Daughter 1: Mom! It’s important. Please! Wake Up!
Me: OK! OK! What’s the matter, Honey?
Daughter 1: I need to know what time it is. The clock in my room says 4:32. The clock on the microwave says 4:35 and your watch says 4:33. What time does your phone say?
Me: My phone? Ummm…. {checking phone. Later, I’ll be glad that she didn’t ask me to lick the walls or do sit ups or something really weird because apparently, I’m pretty impressionable during the 4:00 hour}
Me: It’s 4:38 on my phone, Honey.
Daughter 1: So, is it too early to get up?
Me: Get up?
Daughter 1: Get up out of bed. Well, I already am out of bed. Is it too early to get up and go see if Santa’s been here?
Me: Who?
Daughter 1: Santa. Santa Claus. It’s Christmas morning, Momma!
Me: Wha---?
Daughter 1: Momma. Can. We. Please. Get. Up. And. Go. To. The. Living. Room. To. See. If. Santa’s. Been. Here? {end with a huge, big sigh}
Me: Wha---? No. It’s too early.
Daughter 1: But, I can’t go back to sleep!
Me: Fine. Get in bed with us. And be quiet.
{another voice from the hallway} Momma?
{voice gets closer}: Momma?
Daughter 2: Momma? Is it morning?
Me: Wha---?
Daughter 1: It is morning, but SHE won’t let us get up yet.
Me: Who’s talking here?
Daughter 2: But, MOM!
Daughter 1: She won’t! She’s being stingy!
Me: Be quiet! It’s too early to get up! Get back in bed!
Daughter 1: C’mon, Sister! Get in bed with us!
{Daughter 2 climbs in bed with us. Now there are a total of four people in our bed. Three of us are awake.}
Me: Girls, I’m pretty sure that Santa doesn’t come to our house until 5:59, OK? So, be quiet and go back to sleep.
{silence for 4.3 seconds}
Daughter 1: What do you think we’re gonna get?
Daughter 2: Maybe a pony! Or a 4-wheeler! Or … I know! Moon Sand!
Daughter 1: Moon Sand… Yeah!
Me: Be quiet! If I hear your voices again, I will go start a fire in the fire place and Santa won’t be able to come down the chimney. So, just BE QUIET! TRY to go back to sleep? OK?
{silence for 57.4 seconds}
The Dad: Babe?
Me: {ignoring him thinking that he’ll be quiet and go back to sleep}
The Dad: Babe?
Me: What?
The Dad: What time is it?
Me: Wha---? Wha---? Why?
The Dad: When did The Daughters get in bed with us?
Me: Wha---?? Wha---?? What?
The Dad: Did you know The Daughters are in bed with us?
Me: Yes.
The Dad: Why?
Me: They want to get up and see what Santa brought!
The Dad: Oh. Well… Can we?
Me: Can we what?
The Dad: Can we get up yet?
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© 2009 “Minivan Momma”
