As a young, single professional, I wanted to look the part, so I shopped. I hit high-end department stores and didn’t wait for the sales. I bought outfits that looked good and screamed, “Professional!” in every color. When I’d get my paycheck, I’d quickly go charge a new outfit or four. (Yes, I said charge. I’m a teacher for heaven’s sake. I had to use my paycheck for things like rent and groceries and that pesky thing called electricity.)
I had a closet full of professional clothes. I wore a different power outfit every day. I thought I was setting a fine example for my students in that when you dressed the part, you looked the part and when you looked the part then people believed that you knew what you were doing. (I taught English; please don’t dissect that sentence!) The funny thing was this: I lived for Fridays. Fridays were Jean Days!!!
Eventually, I changed schools and had a principal who was a bit more contemporary. We would read on the floor; and, when we would sit comfy on the floor propped up by massive pillows and bean bags, I would have to wear jeans so as to not ruin my professional attire. Then we began writing on the floor, surrounded by pillows and lap desks and fun-colored pens, and I would have to wear jeans. And eventually I earned tenure and wore jeans every day no matter what we were doing.
My closet was still full of professional-looking clothes that stayed packed away in my walk-in closet. Never to be touched again - until The Husband moved in and demanded a few hangers of his own – what a diva!
I got rid of a few outfits when The Daughters came along and ruined anything nice I had left. Finally, I realized that I am not a fancy-schmancy dresser. I am blue jeans queen all the way, baby!
Of course, there are still many occasions for which I do have to dress up: church (only on Easter and Christmas when people who haven’t seen me since the last Easter or Christmas were likely to come to church with the sole intent being to judge my attire), The Dad’s work parties (during which I turn into a 15 year old girl and must get approval of my outfit from every person I know), weddings and funerals.
Weddings and funerals, for me, are easy to dress for. I saved one dress from my dress-professional days that works for both and has for about 7 years now. If it’s a funeral, I’ll wear pearl earrings (the gemstone of respect, right?) and if it’s a wedding, I’ll wear amethyst earrings (it is a party after all!). I have bought two new wedding dresses in the past four years. I bought a coral linen dress for my sister-in-law’s outdoor summer wedding and a blue linen dress for my sister’s outdoor fall wedding. Did you know that coral fabric will attract the mosquitoes? I haven’t confirmed this on Google, of course; all my data is qualitative (and in scar-form up and down my arms). Since both dresses are linen and both dresses require that I iron them or take them to the cleaners, they are really not practical as my wedding or funeral dress. Therefore, they hang in the closet. Wrinkled. I think I’ve cleaned them…
My church attire consists of mainly slacks. I don’t do dresses too much in church. For one, I sometimes volunteer in the nursery (if for no other reason than to not wear a dress to church) and second, we generally run late to church and late in my wardrobe means runs in the hose.
I do get all dolled up for the The Dad’s work parties, though. I even shave my legs and use that rub on tan stuff! I only see The Dad’s work people two or three times a year. I develop this alter ego for those parties. And my alter-ego likes things flashy and trashy. The very first work party I went to though, I was a nervous wreck. I didn’t know anyone and I couldn’t just call up a veteran and be all 15 and stuff: “Like, hey! Are you going to that lame work thing? Yeah, what a drag. So, whacha wearing? Send me a pic and I’ll wear something matching!”
The memo called for semi-formal attire. As far as I was concerned jeans were semi-formal; with a nice sweater and some cute black heels, I had a good thing going on. However, The Dad’s business was somewhat conservative and I’m certain that this is not what “The Firm” pictured when they said semi-formal. So a friend and I loaded up and went to the big city where we shopped a Targets – which screams semi-formal to me! We actually found a dress and I fretted about it well into the party when I realized (after a glass or five of white zinfandel) that I looked just as good, if not better than any other woman there.
The second party, I drank the white zinfandel before I went shopping and came out of the store with a number made of gold and black shiny material (it said so on the tag: 100% shiny material, dry clean only). Again, I shaved my legs and rubbed on a tan and called myself flashy and trashy. Really trashy, if you must know the truth. It wasn’t actually my fault I was so trashy; my dress was slightly too big, so it kept sliding down and exposing my bra strap. So, I excused myself (those amaretto sours just run right through ya!) and affixed my name tag to my bra strap. Keep in mind that I never claimed to be an engineer, and by the end of the night, my name tag was halfway down my bicep and sideways. But at least you couldn’t see my bra strap. At least I HAD a bra strap!
The Dad’s Christmas party is coming up. There’s a new leader at the helm and he’s declared that for this party dress will be “casual.” Since I left the high school hallways for the elementary school, I have no idea what’s styling these days.
When I dress casual, I have donut glaze on my sweatshirt because I woke up too late to unwrap the pop tarts and my socks don’t match. I have one earring in because The Daughters have played in my jewelry drawer and I forgot to put the other earring in when I had to rinse and spit. My jeans have snot on the hip where a student gave me a hug (and wiped her nose) the day before – but they don’t stink so I’m wearing them again. THIS is casual to me. I’m not sure The Dad will escort me to the party looking like this, but I will have the trashy part of my flashy-trashy persona represented!
I’ve really got to make more friends in his circle so I can call someone up and at least borrow a blouse!!
You can contact Minivan Momma at minivan.momma.2@gmail.com
© 2009 “Minivan Momma”
