I will be the first to admit that I kept a secret from The Dad – back when we were first dating and he was just The Boyfriend. We began dating in June and I was right smack dab in the middle of my secret.
I remember on our second date, before he came to pick me up, I scrambled to put the goodies I had just shopped for away in a closet so he wouldn’t know. When he called me one morning, I just about broke my knee jumping over my bed to turn the stereo down. I knew that I’d be found out, and I knew that if I wanted this relationship to go places, I would have to be honest and let him know my secret. I just wasn’t sure the best way to tell him … or the best place … or the best time … So I kept my goodies hidden in the top of my closet and under my bed. My secret was safe.
Until that one fateful afternoon when he thought it would be romantic to just fling open my apartment door and surprise me. And he did. I was watching a movie – indulging myself in my own little secret world – and he burst right in! (He was carrying flowers – Ahhhh … back when I still got flowers!) I guess this would be the time and place that I would be forced to share with him my secret.
He looked at the TV. Then he looked at me. He took a deep breath and he said, quietly and tentatively, “What … What is … What are you watching?”
I sighed and said, “Christmas Vacation.”
There. The truth was out. I am a Christmas nut and I shop and celebrate year-round. And it felt good to get it off my chest. I did not feel ashamed!
For years, I have celebrated Christmas from December 26 – December 25. I pick up wrapping paper for the next year at the After-Christmas Sales and I start shopping for my list (checking it twice!) in January. It’s my goal, every year, to have my shopping completely sealed before Thanksgiving.
To get me in the mood, I listen to Christmas music in my minivan year-round. A tradition, I am proud to say, I am passing onto my daughters. (Do not call Human Services. They do not consider this abuse. And they told me during the last investigation that as long as I don’t try to get them to harmonize with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir before The Daughters are in fifth grade, I am doing nothing wrong!)
I hit the Black Friday sales to stock up on “incidental” presents… you know when the neighbors bring over fudge on a crystal platter instead of chocolate chip cookies on a paper plate, then I am prepared with those darling angel candlesticks (2 for $5 before 4 AM at The Wal-Marts) to gift right back at ‘em. Then I spend the rest of the day decorating my house, then snoozing on the couch, then yelling at the family for being too loud because they were not up at 3 AM buying 14 turkey roasters ($8 each if you found them next to the blue light) to give out at The Dad’s office party!
I take my Christmas Card Picture (yes, that phrase does deserve all caps!) right after Halloween and have the cards stamped and sealed and ready to put in the mailbox as we drive back north from The Dad’s folks home on Thanksgiving Day. And , yes, I do wait until after Thanksgiving Day before I become outwardly manic about silver tinsel and snow-in-a-can! I do have some sense of normalcy. Some.
I tell you all this so that you know I am a fanatic. I am 100% certifiable, loony over the Most Wonderful Time of the Year – which in my case, lasts all year long.
HOWEVER (yes, that word does deserve all caps!), I am a little bit distraught that the day after Halloween, I turned on my favorite radio station (the one that plays Queen and Roberta Flack and Abba and KC and the Sunshine Band… all the good songs that I roller skated too… I mean, I would have roller skated to if I had been old enough. And despite what my friend Melinda says, I probably am not THAT old!). I digress. So, I turn on my favorite radio station and my old buddy Bing is crooning about City Sidewalks and Snow Crunching, and I feel violated. That same day, I read the newspaper and see the Christmas ads are in full swing and I feel embarrassed. To think that Madison Avenue has invaded my private-year-round-red-sparkling-lights world and taken it before the public makes me feel exposed.
Please understand, I am not apologizing for my over-the-top fanaticism about all things reindeer and snowmen and fat-bearded men. I have nothing to apologize for. I do feel, though, that retailers and radio stations and marketing mongrels (yes, that’s the word I intended to use) should apologize to all those people who screech into Hobby Lobby at 5:45 on December 24 looking for a few “last minute” things (which means they’ve got nuthin’!). If I wish to watch A Christmas Story for 24 hours straight in the middle of August, that’s my prerogative. And don’t think I don’t know where The Dad hid that DVD after this year’s run!
BUT, if there’s just one person out there who wishes to not have twinkle-lighted garland tied around his or her neck as soon as the weather turns just the slightest bit not-hot, then Madison Avenue should oblige. We all have our own time frames in our own minds: the smart ones (like me) will already have their shopping done by the time the two-for-the-price-of-one-plus-a-dollar ads run and won’t be interested; and the daring ones (not like me) will be paying full-price for a bottle of Stetson for their great-grandpa on December 23 at 10:45 pm at The Mall.
It seems to me that their advertising buck would be better spent during the time it’s intended and the savings could then be passed on to me (and you, too) whenever I choose to take it! (Probably January 15 – first payday after Christmas!)
Really, do these ad execs have nothing better to think about than trees and red balls and German-chocolate calendars year-round? Because c’mon! Get a life! And your own red balls!
And I’ll leave you with that … because I’m going to decorate my tree! KIDDING!!
You can contact Minivan Momma at minivan.momma.2@gmail.com
© 2009 “Minivan Momma”
